Oct 7, 2018                   One Flesh                                                    

In one of the churches I previously served there was a retired woman named Amy, who was very dedicated to her church and involved in it’s worship, missions and fellowships. Now Amy had a number of illnesses while I was there and so I visited with her a couple times a year at her home. And when I was there one week, I mentioned that our readings for the coming Sunday, were about Jesus talking to the Pharisees about divorce. This seemed to make Amy uncomfortable, and when I asked she told me why.

Years earlier, she had been married to an abusive drunk who on occasion would hit her. She had three children at the time, and always believed that her marriage would be a good one, and believed that there was something wrong about divorce – and so she tried to endure in this hellish situation, but in the end, her friends and family convinced her to get one. She always felt guilty about that, and told me that she didn’t think she would make it to church that Sunday.

So in thinking about her that week, I wrote a sermon about how God never intended for people to stay in abusive relationships, that that was not the example of one flesh that we get from the book of Genesis, and that Jesus teaching was about encouraging people to cherish the idea of marriage and grow in love for one another.

Now it so happened that Amy did attend that Sunday, and at the end of the service, she came up to me, with tears in her eyes, and said, “Pastor, you did your best to make me feel better, but all I could hear was Jesus saying how wrong it is to get a divorce.” And so I know, that on this Sunday, no matter what I say about this text, it’s not going to make a difference for some, but I’m going to say it anyway.

Jesus teaching on divorce has two direct purposes, and one indirect purpose. The two direct purposes are 1. Jesus is angry with the Pharisees for maintaining the legal loophole for men to get out of marriage – and oppress women in marriage. 2. Jesus is telling people who are still married, not to take advantage of that legal loophole, and to seek to live as one flesh in their marriage as God intended for them. And finally, the indirect purpose – is that Jesus is the embodiment of God’s love and forgiveness – and that forgiveness includes the healing of the broken relationships that arise between those who are contemplating divorce.

The first direct purpose arises from Moses law about granting divorce. Jesus says Moses gave this law because of the Israelites hardness of hearts. In other words, they were unable to forgive one another. This inability to forgive, leads to resentment and an ever greater rift in relationships. And in the end, it can lead to violence and suffering in marriage. And so Moses, granted the ability for people to divorce.

However, in Jesus day, this law had become not a safety valve for people in broken, unforgiving and abusive relationships, but a matter of convenience and power. And in retribution, while women did not have the right to file for divorce, they could leave the home and find someone else who would take care of them.  And so, law or no law, much like today, both men and women could destroy their marriage. But that’s not what God intended!

When I do pre-marital counseling with couples, I use a book called the 7 principles of successful marriages. The book is based 20 years of studies on couples whose marriages endured. These marriages have a number of similarities. The ability of partners to forgive one another, the ability of partners to make each other happy, the ability of partners to grow in learning about their partners, the ability of partners to lean on one another in times of stress and carry one another’s burdens, the ability of partners to respect one another and act on behalf of one another, and the ability of partners to see themselves as part of something greater than themselves – as one flesh, rather than two individuals. These abilities are what I call spiritual qualities, and while the book does not say so, they are the spiritual qualities associated with the Spirit of God. And to find life in that Spirit, is what God intended and intends for marriage.

One final note, while books on marriage may paint an ideal picture of marriage, marriages are by no means ideal. As we grow to be adults we are hurt by the world, and we develop a hardness of heart that affects how we interact, in the world and in marriage. And that’s why I think, Mark concludes this teaching on divorce with Jesus blessing of the children. Children are a symbol for us adults of innocence, joyfulness, and forgiveness. They have not yet developed the hardness of heart that we adults have developed. And perhaps we should seek to develop those childlike qualities, in order to overcome our hardheartedness, so that we may receive God’s blessing upon our lives and marriages.

And that’s the Good News of Jesus Christ!